Downsizing is never easy, especially when it involves treasured family belongings and the memories attached to them. For aging parents, the process often feels overwhelming, and for adult children, stepping in to help can lead to tension or misunderstandings. How can families work together respectfully and effectively during this life transition?
Here, Client Relocation Consultant Alesha Filiatrault with WellRive shares practical strategies for approaching downsizing with sensitivity, teamwork, and creativity.
Understanding the Challenges
One of the biggest obstacles families face is clashing priorities. Parents may see their belongings as symbols of family history and meaning, while adult children are often focused on logistics and timelines. “At the end of the day, it’s not really just about sorting the stuff,” Filiatrault explains. “It’s about navigating roles, responsibilities, and relationships.”
Conflicting expectations can lead to hurt feelings, especially when siblings disagree on how quickly to move forward or what should be kept. The key, she says, is to approach the process as a team—with open conversations, clear expectations, and plenty of patience.
Balancing Practical Needs With Sentimental Value
Families can ease the process by shifting the focus from what’s leaving to what you’re keeping. “You’re looking at what you’re keeping (what you love, need, and what fits, rather than what you’re letting go,” Filiatrault notes.
This approach helps honor both practical needs—such as fitting into a smaller space—and sentimental attachments. It’s also essential to understand what matters most to the parents: whether it’s making sure children receive keepsakes, getting fair value when selling items, or donating possessions to those in need. Creative, individualized solutions often work best.
Dividing Responsibilities Thoughtfully
When multiple family members are involved, it’s important to play to individual strengths. A tech-savvy child might handle online sales or create inventory spreadsheets, while another may prefer in-person tasks like packing or making donation drop-offs.
Respect should flow both ways, Filiatrault emphasizes. Adult children should honor their parents’ wishes, but parents should also listen when children say they cannot accept certain items. “I really wish that I could go back and have a more effective conversation with my mother,” she reflects, recalling how she once accepted too much out of obligation, only to find her garage filled with items she couldn’t use.
For families spread out geographically, remote roles—such as researching donation centers, digitizing photos, or providing emotional support through regular check-ins—can keep everyone engaged. Some families even use virtual meetings, such as Zoom, to share updates and decisions, a skill many adopted during the pandemic.
Preserving Stories and Memories
Downsizing isn’t just about clearing space; it’s also about safeguarding family history. Digital solutions can help preserve precious items like photographs, recipe cards, and letters. Services now make it simple to scan large collections, creating digital archives that can be shared with children and grandchildren across the globe.
Filiatrault shares that digitizing her own family’s photos and recipes allowed her daughters—even one living in Australia—to stay connected to their heritage. Technology like facial recognition can also make it easier to organize and share memories.
Beyond photos, families can capture stories through simple recordings. “Most seniors want their children to know every morsel of their life,” she says. “Capturing some of those stories helps us let go a little bit if we know that someone is listening and we are heard.”
A Final Piece of Advice
Above all, Filiatrault encourages families to approach downsizing with empathy and attentiveness. Listening deeply to parents’ wishes, honoring their stories, and finding creative ways to preserve memories can transform the process from stressful to meaningful.
“Objects remind us of something special. If we can find solutions that still hold onto that, it makes the whole process easier—and may give us something important we didn’t know we wanted until we heard it,” she offers.
